Parenting is hard. Sometimes we need to vent about it and the internet is a great place to do it. But in some ways, life-after-baby is better. Yes, better! Here are some ways my life has improved since I became a parent.

1. I laugh more.
   Parenting is hilarious. Our baby can do things that make us laugh in a “wow this is so adorable” way but also in a “wow this is terrible/stressful but I’m going laugh anyway” way. We just “get” it now in a way you really can’t until you have children. Louis CK has never been more poignant.
2. I get up early every day.
   You know that feeling when you wake up and you think: “oh my god what time is it?” And it’s noon. I remember that feeling. These days I wake up between 7-7:30 every day and I can FEEL the length of the day. This is a hard adjustment but you will also surprise yourself with how much you can accomplish in a whole day.
3. My baby teaches me stuff.
   Me: “John, the baby is so fussy I can’t handle it.”
   Husband: “She’s not fussy, she’s teaching you patience. You just aren’t learning.”
   Although I had to take a moment after hearing my husband’s comment, he was right. I am a more patient person now.
4. I eat breakfast every morning.
   In my pre-mom days I had the bad habit of skipping breakfast. But now I have to feed a toddler every morning so I eat too. How did I forget that food = energy?  A plate of eggs, bacon, fresh fruit, and buttery toast gives me enough energy to chase a toddler until nap time.
5. I have the privilege of watching my spouse be a parent.
   When I met John I never imagined that we would one day be parents together, but I wouldn’t want to be a parent with anyone but him. He was incredible from the day we found out I was pregnant, through pregnancy pillows and late night cheesecake cravings, through labor pains and the birth of our daughter, to the everyday challenges and wonders of raising a child. Seeing the man you love hold your baby for the first time and be so gentle and tender—amazing.
6. She makes me want to come out of my shell.
   I’m a bit of an introvert in real life and don’t normally strike up conversations with people I don’t know. But when I’m with our daughter so many people want to chat us up—other moms, the librarian, random old ladies. She is open and friendly and she reminds me to be more open and friendly.
7. I value time so much more now.
   When you have a lot of free time, it can be easy to take that time for granted. I hardly ever get time that is all to myself so when I do have some, I savor it. Going out with my husband on date night reminds me of when we were first dating—I get so excited when I’m dressing up for our evening out. We have a rule though: no talking about baby. We always break it!
8. I joined the secret world of moms.
   I’m a mom now so I’m part of mom club. I’ve connected with so many wonderful mothers through my blog and other spaces. Things I’ve learned in mom club: don’t be so quick to judge others. Watch out for each other’s kids when you are in public. Offer help if you can give it. Always bring an extra toy/snack. We love being moms but we are people too and can talk about non-mom stuff as well as anyone.
9. My imagination is back.
   Are we having a tea party? Dressing up as cowgirl princesses? Making paper mache chickens? I’m exercising that part of my brain that likes to make-believe and every day I see how play leads to learning. I’m trying to be more imaginative in my grown-up life too.
10. Adventure is out there.
    Last week we spent a day at the LA Zoo. The other day we touched sharks and played with a baby sea lion (through the glass) at the Long Beach Aquarium. We strolled up a long winding path to a lighthouse overlooking the Pacific. We’ve hiked with a baby in a baby carrier. We are planning a family vacation. Seriously, who are we? Before we were parents we used to stay home most weekends. Wanting our daughter to have experiences out in the world has brought us out into the world again.

Of course, the best part of life-after-baby is our baby herself! Feel free to share to your favorite thing about being a parent in the comments below.

1. The first meal after you give birth tastes like it was prepared by an angel and floated down on a cloud. For me: graham crackers and apple juice.
2. It gets easier. Then harder. Then easier. Then harder.
3. You will buy beautiful artisanal baby toys but the baby would trade them all for an iphone of her very own.
4. “Date nights” are essential to feel like a couple and not just a couple of baby slaves.
5. When going out with a baby, bring twice as many diapers, milk bottles, and snacks and you think you will need.
6. If there is any danger in the room—an outlet, a sharp corner, the baby will go there.
7. You will never feel so vulnerable, so in love, so part of life.
8. Keep paper plates in your home. Tell yourself they are for “tough days” but use them whenever.
9. Make a big batch of food on Sunday to make Monday easier for everyone.
10. When you fail at #9 (and you will) you will subsist on bites of cheese and baby biscuits and feel terrible.
11. It’s OK to leave the baby with my husband to get some time to myself. Even if it’s just coffee and 20 pages of a book.
12. You will feel like you are spending all your money at Target.
13. Seeing how wonderful a father my husband is made me fall in love with him in a whole new way.
14. You will have a 3AM argument about which one of you is more tired.
15. I don’t get annoyed when I hear a baby crying in public anymore, only sympathy.
16. It is OK to accept help. Help others too.
17. Babies teach us patience.
18. Some days you will envision what life would be like had you never had a baby, like my alternate life in which I join a Tuscan monastery.
19. Some moments will be so wonderful you will think, “I am living my life’s purpose right now.”
20. Babies grow and soon they aren’t really babies anymore, so make as many memories as your heart can hold.

Happy Birthday Julia!

Every new mom needs one. I was three months pregnant when my diaper bag search began. Now, I love handbags; give me buttery suede, vachetta leather, metal hardware, secret pockets, and a flirty drop length. With in mind, you can understand why my pregnancy glow was diminished when I found that the diaper bag market is comprised of poofy, pastel, nylon behemoths. I began to wonder: was my diaper bag supposed to replace my purse? Because I did not know how I felt about that. I started to think that by replacing my bag, I was surrendering a part of my identity. While babies might find Winnie the Pooh totally charming, I don’t want a little pants-less bear all over my everyday bag.

“Well, that’s it,” I said to my husband, “there goes my sexy womanhood… I’m a mom now… with a horrible bag. Are these mom jeans now?”

“Aren’t all your jeans mom jeans now?” he asked with a wry smile.

Why was this even a big deal, right? It is just a bag. Right? I held off on the diaper bag decision for a couple months and I would go through a few more stages of soon-to-be-mommy disquietude. I went on three distinct diaper bag adventures and failed each time.

At first I thought that whenever I went out, I would just bring two bags. One for baby and one for me. I mean, I have seen businesswomen carry two bags to work. I tried the double-bag method to baby’s first checkup. A canvas diaper bag was on my shoulder. With my free arm I was carrying the baby inside her car seat through the lobby and toward an elevator. My lilac quilted leather Kate Spade dangled on a skinny chain and as I drew closer to the elevator I had to arch my shoulder more and more so that my bag wouldn’t slip. Not an elegant arrangement. I vowed, never again.

Next, I decided that I would just have to find a really, really nice baby bag. Designer diaper bags are never referred to as “diaper bags” instead, they are called “baby bags.” You can find baby bags by LV, Prada, Burberry, and Gucci. And in the slightly-less-expensive-but-still-expensive genre, you can find baby bags by Kate Spade or Marc by Marc Jacobs. Some of the latter styles were so pretty they could pass for purses. The others seemed to me so extravagant as to be silly—spend over $1000 for something that will some day hold soiled baby onesies? Who am I, Kanye West? When I handled some in real life, I was disappointed by the lack of functionality. Even I knew that the bag had to have substance and style.

What, your baby doesn’t have a Gucci bottle warmer? You terrible mother.

These were the Scylla and Charybdis of diaper bags. On my third attempt I went out with the small and plain canvas diaper bag we received off on our registry. Save for a debit card and my phone, I left the rest of my stuff at home. Inevitably, I longed for the contents of my purse: my lip balm, a tin of mints, a book, hair tie, pen. Ultra-minimalist diaper bag packing was not for me. There had to be a better option out there. Just as in matters of love, the right one will find you when you stop looking. Let me tell you, the perfect baby bag found me.

It’s the Ju-Ju-Be baby bag! I can tell that a mom designed it. Allow me to gush about all its smart features. First, it has a coating on the exterior so it’s simple to wipe clean and no worries if I am ever caught in a summer shower. I am used to covering my purse with my coat when it rains, so this is a big deal for me. This baby bag also has a little opening on one corner that acts as a sort of trapped door to empty out all the little bits and crumbs that end up on the bottom of our bags. And if you have one of those truly intense mommy-baby outings, the whole thing is machine washable.

So… many… pockets.

I’m all about substance over style now—at least in so far as diaper bags are concerned. That means cleanliness and being more solutions-oriented. I have learned you should look for a diaper bag that has a light color lining, because when the lining is dark it makes it hard to find things inside. When my baby is crying and needs a change, bottle, or snack, those extra seconds matter and saves me from a baby that goes from fussy to meltdown-mode. There are no loud Velcro fasteners on this bag (shhh, baby is sleeping); the bag has zippers and magnetic closures.

The diaper bag did not replace my purse, but I have a place in our diaper bag to keep a few of my essentials and I save my nice bags for going out sans baby. Inside the “mommy pocket” there is a place for my wallet, key, glasses, hand sanitizer, pen, book, camera—all in its own place so I never have to dig for my lipstick amongst stray diapers. The Ju-Ju-Be brand has cute add-ons too like a “pacifier pod” that clips onto the bag. Our baby doesn’t use a pacifier but I almost want to get it just so I can stash something in the pod. But what? Contenders: shot glass, ibuprofen, birth control, emergency cash. Now, some of the are a little loud but a few I really love, including a pretty red geometric print and a blue floral print. And so ended my diaper bag odyssey.

What would YOU keep in a paci pod?

There is an adage that “wisdom cannot be told.” Some things you have to learn yourself. Well, you have to become a mom to really understand the nature of the (diaper bag) beast. It took me a few months but one day, I just knew. A diaper bag isn’t about identity, surrender, or mom jeans. It’s about being smart when you go out with a baby! Thus, you would be wise to choose something that can serve your needs best—whatever those may be. Because ultimately what the perfect diaper bag will do is become invisible. I take my daughter to the park, to the library, grocery shopping, pediatrician visits, or to browse the bookstore. We travel together. She is seeing the world for the first time and I get to see her seeing it for the first time. Our bag? It just carries stuff.

This is what my husband looks like these days. I love a man with a baby. Ju-Ju-Be is Hangover approved.

So mamas, what do you think of this bag? Am I the last person to find out about Ju-Ju-Be? Do you love your diaper bag? Are you a single woman who doesn’t even want to think about diaper bags—I totally understand—run away! Let me know.

I feel like an adult when I prepare. After becoming a mom I learned that a successful day is often just good preparation. Keep your bag stocked with all of baby’s and your needs. Buy things like Baby Motrin before baby ever gets a fever. Don’t wait to run out of diapers to replenish. Charge your phone. Plan meals in advance. Always carry cash.

But sometimes the inclination to prepare can get out of hand.

The other night a thought crossed my mind: “Maybe I should buy some bottled water?” This quickly turned into, “We definitely need bottled water for guests or just for convenience,” which turned into “shouldn’t we have emergency supplies like water in the house?” This became “oh my god we live in California and we don’t even have an earthquake kit?!” Next I’m researching non-perishable foods, flashlights, those crinkly foil blankets, and emergency baby supplies. But then I slipped into thinking about a true disaster, like in the movies. We would need cash, things to barter (gold? should I buy gold?), tactical backpacks—not normal backpacks—tactical ones, supplies we can carry, hiking shoes, weatherproof clothing  sleeping bags, and maybe a tent. And since I’m now envisioning some post-apocalyptic survival scenario, we might need a weapon. A gun? Two guns. Whoa whoa that seems crazy. Maybe a knife? Yea. A knife. Maybe a gun.

Pretty sure this is how we would look.

I still need that water. Here’s a great list of the recommended emergency supplies for your home.