Jay Miranda

First Mothers' Day

Sun, 12 May 2013 10:57:00 -0700

I wanted a love story. The sort of aching, vulnerable, reluctant-but-inevitable-submission-into love found in the pages of Jane Eyre or Pride and Prejudice. I thought love would be poetry and English fields, even though I’ve never even been to England nor did I marry Mr. Darcy.

The occasion of the day inspires me to put my feelings to ink. And I have so many of them. I lay awake at night and wonder: how many stories go untold? Why are we islands? I have so many stories to tell. Women and mothers—we have a story to tell.

So I got pregnant. And it was a big f—ing deal. Where’s the Walt Whitman, James Joyce, or Mark Twain of pregnancy?

I know, I know. Brilliant women all over the world become mothers and become so busy being mothers that there is hardly time to talk or write or make art about being mothers. And it makes me think there is a great chasm in our culture because of it. Our stories should be told. Then I realize that they are told. A mother will sing her song to her child.

What story did your mother tell you and in what tone? Was it mellifluous and honeyed, sour, reticent, or dreamy? Love is a story. The absence of love is a story. Children grow up to be the bearers of those stories, for better or worse.

I remember my high school English teacher told us you can only really write about something you know and right now I am so intimately aware of my experience as a mother that I cannot escape writing about it. If prompted, motherly musings just pour out of me.

First: I know I am not alone. I read stories about mothers crying in locked bathrooms or screaming in their cars, just to get through their day. I read even more stories about the quiet desperation of so many mothers. These women are everywhere and nowhere because these things are messy, don’t fit the ideal of motherhood, get labeled post-partum depression or something else that can be quickly dismissed as other. And even if that’s not exactly my story, it is one story and it’s a worthy story too.

Whence does a mother begin? The question reminds of the heap paradox from college. No single grain of sand makes a heap. A couple grains of sand do not equal a heap. But eventually you’re a heap. My mother told me you begin to be a mother during labor. I remember labor pains even though my doctor said I would forget them. Contractions felt like stabbing. Not like a bunch of little knives. Like one big knife pushing against my whole body. I was Sisyphus pushing a sharp rock, every 2 minutes. I disagree with my mother.

For me, motherhood did not begin at labor. It began the moment immediately after I pushed my baby into the world and she was placed on my chest, writhing and perfect, and looked at me for the first time, eyes like blue almonds. I looked back into those eyes and she was the big bang, a cosmic singularity, Plato’s unmoved mover. All that contained in one seven pound, ten-ounce baby girl. My life was destroyed and assembled back together again in an instant.

I remember my life before becoming a mother. It was pretty indulgent. There was a lot of good food, good sex, cynicism, money thrown around, and different states of momentary intoxication. Ah, and what may be the biggest indulgence of all: the freedom to not care. At least not more than about myself – and hey, maybe not even about myself sometimes. But that’s not life anymore. No one really talks about that to pregnant women. It’s not in the What to Expect book.

Since having a baby I feel like I am become halved and my baby is the other half. It’s this feeling that compels me to avoid drinking, drugs, frivolous purchases, and pushes me to obtain things like vitamins and life insurance. In a very real way my life is no longer my own. It’s hers too. And there’s the rub. That’s hard to accept as a woman who enjoys having an independent identity. Alas, the rabbit hole goes much deeper. Sometimes I do miss that part of my life, but going back to my former life would probably be the worst thing that could happen to me. Because there would be a baby-sized hole in that alternate future.

See, my life had meaning pre-baby. But Julia has added purpose to my life unlike anything else. Through her eyes I’m seeing the world for the first time again. She inspires me to become the person I want to be, makes me think I can still change the world. Life is harder and more wonderful than ever.

And she is poetry come alive. Sometimes she is Bukowski, spitting and growling, sometimes she’s as disarming as a Brontë passage, and sometimes she’s a little bit Neruda when I catch her smiling in her sleep and I can tell she’s dreaming. I wanted a love story and quite unexpectedly I find myself in the middle of one.

Happy Mothers’ Day.

When I was pregnant I got lots of questions about plus size...

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 10:56:40 -0700

When I was pregnant I got lots of questions about plus size maternity. I learned that plus size maternity options were almost nonexistent. But don’t lose hope! Here’s what I learned.

Your body might not change for a couple months or it might change fast, so don’t buy lots of stuff all at once.
Embrace the baby bump! Unless you’re that Duggar lady, you will only be pregnant once or max, a few times in your life. Don’t spend that time worrying about your changing body. Healthy baby, happy mama.
Less is more: pick versatile items that can work across trimesters or even into post-partum.
Some of your pre-pregnancy clothing might still work for you, especially if you have oversized or stretchy items in your closet.
I wore heels sometimes, but not for long and not late into pregnancy. Invest in a good pair of flats or sandals. It’s ok to hang on to your personal style, but eventually let go and come to the comfy side (yes, let the comfort flow through you…)
Remember to plan ahead depending on what season you have your final trimester. I was mighty pregnant in the summer and light cottons became my favorite thing.
Take lots of photos! You will want to remember this time later.
The usual plus size retail options will have clothing that can work: look for jersey, cotton, or shapes that are flexible. You may need to size up.
Decide if you like demi, half, or full panels. I never really found a paneled pant I liked because they rolled down. So shop around.
Check out some of the few plus size maternity options: Old Navy, Motherhood, SimplyBe. I found some affordable basics at Target.
Don’t underestimate the power of yoga pants. I packed a bunch into my hospital bag (my favorite are the fold-down style). These are also essential in the weeks after baby’s arrival.
Your hospital bag should also include a wrap or long cardigan, nursing tops or other pajama style button ups, slippers, a pack of huge underwear (Laugh now - but trust me. Hanes classic cotton work great or grab a bunch from Cacique during a sale; you might discard them soon after post-partum), basically everything focused on comfort for the days immediately after your baby’s birth. Here is a good hospital bag list.
If you plan to breastfeed your baby, buy a few nursing tops/camisoles and bras around month 8 (size up because your bust will grow). I’m pro-breastfeeding, and while it is hard at first, being as ready and informed as possible can help you move through the hard period. For more breastfeeding info and support check out the sidebar of links here.
Remember that in the days after you have your baby your body is going through lots of changes. Don’t listen to anything or anyone about how fast you need to drop baby weight. If you feel the need to shut down negative body talk immediately, please go ahead! Many women lose a lot of weight in the first month after giving birth. But not all. It’s ok if it takes longer and it’s ok and normal if your body just looks different post-pregnancy. Don’t be hard on yourself, your body just did an amazing thing! You are powerful. You’re sort of a life-giving goddess. Best wishes for mama and baby.

If you have any questions or advice, whether you are pregnant, planning to conceive, or a new or experienced mom, please feel free to share in the comments. xo

Julia is six months old and I still can’t believe it....

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 09:00:04 -0700

Julia is six months old and I still can’t believe it. There is no doubt in my mind that being a mother to this awesome baby girl is the best part about life. I might have rolled my eyes at that notion a few years ago, because I felt entirely fulfilled. Now I think I had barely started charting the land and sea of my life. Julia arrived and suddenly my world became a universe—I looked up and saw the stars for the first time. Dazzling, terrifying, and inspiring all at once.

Today we celebrated Julia’s first Easter. It was a perfect day. In her basket she found a soft sheep, a knit chick, a small birdie comfort blanket, bubbles, a Dora the Explorer light up toy, and a set of brightly colored socks. We hunted for easter eggs together but the candy is for mom and dad.

The day could not have been possible without my amazing sister. Hope everyone had a lovely day.

This dress has been sitting in my closet for years begging to be...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:00:12 -0700

This dress has been sitting in my closet for years begging to be worn again. So I wore this lilac dream to dinner tonight. You know how you can re-read a book or listen to an old song and they seem different because your perspective has changed? The last time I wore the dress I felt pretty. But when I looked in the mirror this evening, I felt powerful. So even though the dress is old, I am new.

Dress: Aqua by Aqua, Shoes: Valentino, Bag: Anthropologie, Lipstick: YSL Forbidden Burgundy

Sweater: MbMJ, Skirt: F21, Sunglasses: here, Shoes: Cole Haan,...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 23:38:11 -0700

Sweater: MbMJ, Skirt: F21, Sunglasses: here, Shoes: Cole Haan, Bag: Miu Miu

So I wore something besides yoga pants. And my sister was there to snap these pictures for proof. Thanks, Jen! Last year I felt super inspired by the Tory Burch Fall collection and even though it’s Spring, I still love the combo of cute sweaters, form fitting skirts, and spectator pumps.

Funny thing, I ended up converting this Miu Miu bag into a diaper bag. Sometimes I want to use my bag for non-mommy stuff so I pull out diapers and lone baby socks and just laugh to myself. Months ago I had an existential dilemma about choosing a diaper bag. I mean, do I carry my identity in my purse or something?? What is my identity with a big stiff canvas baby bag said to “contain a flap for mom’s necessities so you don’t need a purse” A flap. Do the remnants of my dignity fit in there too, Petunia Pickle Bottom? Just kidding, I want one. These are the sort of things I think about.

One of the things that runs through your mind when you...

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 11:00:21 -0800

One of the things that runs through your mind when you learn you are pregnant is “Wait, what about my old life? Is it over?” One hard adjustment to motherhood is that, yes, your old life has, sort of, ended. I remember thinking how much I would miss late nights out with my husband. Some of my best memories are walking through San Francisco in heels and jewels at 2AM with him, hailing a cab because we missed the last train home.

Then today we had brunch (with baby) and my world opened up to a new way of going out. This was the FIRST time all three of us left home together for something that didn’t involve a trip to the pediatrician. No, there were no cocktails or smoky rooms, I wore flats, and my nails were bare. But, it was one of the most beautiful days. The baby laughed. I ate the flakiest, most buttery, still warm pan au chocolat. I breastfed the baby in public, no shame. The baby slept and my husband pushed the stroller along the streets of the sleepy college village. Stopped at a cafe. It was romantic in a way I didn’t expect. It hit me: this is my life and and hey, it’s pretty wonderful.

“Mirror in the sky, what is love / can the child within my heart rise above / can I sail through the changing ocean tides / can I handle the seasons of my life?”

I’ve always listened to this song and felt kinda sad, but today I thought: yes, I am learning to handle them.

p.s. Thank you for all the responses and support on my last post. I feel much more connected to many of you. <3

Here I am looking tired and here is the reason why I’m...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 11:30:00 -0800

Here I am looking tired and here is the reason why I’m tired.

If I’m home, I’m in this hoodie and yoga pants. No exceptions. Dark circles, tired skin, bloodshot eyes. I had a baby, guys. And the longest she sleeps is five hours. I’ve not had more than five continuous hours of sleep in five months. So I just want to be ultra comfortable. Not in a oh-let-me-pull-out-this-silk-romper-#sexylaugh way, but in a ALL COTTON EVERYTHING way. This hoodie was a gift from my sister, which she found at Aerie. I’m not exaggerating when I say this is like, the perfect hoodie. Light, super soft, tad loose, warm but not warm. It’s like my little blanket. Oh god, it’s the woman equivalent of a baby blanket.

So I know I haven’t posted and I feel bad. I’m like, must… blog… have… no… energy… zzzzzz. I’m not sure how many people reading this have had or have babies, but I look back on some old posts and just laugh. “Hey guys, you totally need a tutu.” Right now I would trade a dinner party and tutu for pajamas, some sushi, and a long nap. OMG that is terrible, right? Have I lost my fashion identity? Moms, please chime in! Non-moms you have my permission to judge me I guess. Don’t get it twisted; I can still work it out if I have a babysitter, some Visine, and a great dress. But let’s just stay in and snuggle with the baby while watching the Beyonce HBO special for the tenth time? I might regret this post.

Crystal Drop earrings Pearl Embellished sweater Jingle Bell...

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 14:51:00 -0800

I think the best Christmas gifts are those that add a little beauty to your life. So my gift guide is all about jewels, pearls, and peek-a-boo details. If you are crafty, try making your own Chanel inspired sunglasses. Or sweeten your mouth with fresh caramels (just tried: amazing). It IS better to give than to receive. But if you’re like me and no one knows you better than yourself, indulge in something special to enjoy after the holiday fêtes have fizzled. Wishing you beautiful holidays. xx

Jacket: Beth Ditto (similar here, here) Pants: Lane Bryant,...

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 18:15:26 -0800

Jacket: Beth Ditto (similar here, here)
Pants: Lane Bryant, (similar here)
Heels: Miu Miu
Clutch Bag: here

As a new mom I feel there’s no gift more precious than time. My sister offered to watch Julia while my husband and I went out for the afternoon—thanks Jen! I wanted to wear something I would have worn on a pre-baby date. Decided these carrot pants and short biker jacket. Softened it with these pretty Miu Miu wedges and my new jeweled clutch. xx

Patent leather ankle strap heels, here. A little bit classic, a...

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 16:05:38 -0800

Patent leather ankle strap heels, here.

A little bit classic, a little bit bondage, I’m obsessed with these PLV heels. I love ankle straps in general but these are drawn into a perfect v-shape and crisscross just above the vamp—such a seductive silhouette. I’m picturing them with semi sheer tights, a knee-length full skirt and pretty sweater. Where is Santa?

I kept seeing this top sell out, so wondering what the...

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 18:27:00 -0800

I kept seeing this top sell out, so wondering what the fuss was about, finally bought one and I totally get it now. It wears like pajamas but looks so pretty and flows perfectly. I tucked one side into my jeans for a slightly different look. I got the petite version in burgundy which has shorter sleeves (here it is in blush pink!), but it’s so oversized that I think sizing is super flexible. It’s also available in plus size.

There’s a 20% discount right now—with code SAVVY20, in case you wanted one too! xx

It’s curious to think of things as being defined by what...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 18:11:44 -0800

It’s curious to think of things as being defined by what they are not. The d’orsay heel is defined by what it lacks, that is, the inside half of the shoe. Yet this half-shoe is so so so important in any shoe wardrobe. The lines can’t get any more streamlined and the vamp is cut low—super sexy. Whether peeking out of trousers or on display with a full skirt, this is one of the best shoe silhouettes and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Red tip heels Zara, Black/brown heels 3.1 Philip Lim, Mauve heels Rebecca Minkoff

All of a sudden baby needs to be held. Hi Julia! Look how big...

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 15:53:13 -0800

All of a sudden baby needs to be held. Hi Julia! Look how big she is already at two months.

So I’m a romantic. I will wear a mask of cynicism from time to time, but I can’t hide for long. And I’ve become even more of one since I had a baby. It’s like someone turned the light on in my life and she is the light. Life’s all milk and honey lately, so this sweet outfit feels just right. Loving heart print, soft cashmere, and rosy shades. And my favorite shoes right now, these pretty crystal flats.

Sweater: BCBG, Blouse: asos (bow version here), Pants: Dorothy Perkins, Ballerina flats here

A really beautiful and comfortable flat is like the unicorn of...

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 13:59:00 -0800

A really beautiful and comfortable flat is like the unicorn of shoes. It must choose you. It’s so easy to find gorgeous high heels, but gorgeous flats? Now, you know I love the lovely crystal flats that Miu Miu makes. These are not Miu Miu, but they also aren’t $650. Nay, dear blog readers. I paid $69 for these beauties. They have rows of crystals, they’re dotted with studs, and adorned with bows. Leather. Also lined in leather, which I usually don’t see at this price point. Hello dream shoe. As soon as I got my pair in “croissant pink,” I ordered a pair snakeskin.

You can find these jeweled flats here.

I’ve wanted a printed skirt forever but never found the...

Sat, 24 Nov 2012 12:49:00 -0800

I’ve wanted a printed skirt forever but never found the right one until now. This paisley print is ornate and lush—it makes me think of vintage Versace men’s shirts or something with which Kanye West would upholster a sofa. In other words, perfect. Bought it because I want something I can mix with other prints or textures. Love it with this sequin tee.

Paisley print skirt here and here in size 14. (reviews said skirt runs large, it did!)
Blouse (plus) here. Straight size blouse here, also in this pretty collar style here.
Gold sequin top: Talbots via Marshalls.
Heels Miu Miu

When asked if I was shopping Black Friday I said, “Nah, the...

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 15:44:42 -0800

When asked if I was shopping Black Friday I said, “Nah, the stuff I want to buy never goes on sale.” I mean, I’m not in the market for a new tablet/toaster/mattress. HOWEVER, I am always in the market for something beautiful. Even so, after an amazing Thanksgiving dinner, I’m in no mood to drive across town in the early morning hours hoping to find the one pair of shoes that I will have to fight for alongside other frenzied women. So, it’s 2AM and I’m sitting at my computer writing, e-shopping, and nibbling on stuffing (my favorite!).

Dreamy feather jacket.
Zoe Karssen top for flights of fancy.
Tory Burch spectator heels for subtle sultriness.
Ombre jewel collar necklace.
Seriously magical Moschino crystal pumps.
Bling-bow crystal bracelet (and ring) by Marc by Marc Jacobs.

And I wouldn’t be a good blogger if I didn’t mention that ASOS is having a great sale + 20% off promo code.

The Striped Dress

Sun, 11 Nov 2012 15:44:30 -0800

It’s been a long time since I mentioned body acceptance on my blog because I feel as though it’s implicit in everything I do here. Sometimes I think I’m blogging for three people—my sister, and my friends Gabi and Xtina. But then I check my stats and see that thousands visit each week and I think OMG who are you all?

I realize that each of you has your own distinct relationship with body image. So while some of us may be thinking “now, where can I find leather tap pants in my size?” others are still trying to wear horizontal stripes. My thoughts on body image are myriad, but my attitude can be distilled to “who cares!” Seriously, who cares if other people don’t think a certain size/shape shouldn’t wear stripes. It’s liberating to stop caring so much about what others want and to start paying attention to the things you want. So if you are a new to body acceptance or my blog, welcome.

I love this black and cream striped dress I bought this summer (it’s the dress I wore to my baby shower in August). But today I paired it with these nearly opaque black tights, which are I love because they’re so dark with just a hint of transparency. To finish it off, I added a bow belt, these c at eye sunglasses, Kenneth Jay Lane triangle earrings, YSL Rouge Volupte (12) lipstick, nude mani, and heels by Agent Provocateur. Something about autumn makes patent leather so, so good.

Vamp Red & Blush Pink

Sun, 28 Oct 2012 17:50:43 -0700

You guys know I’m all about blushy colors and I especially love the combination of pink, red, and purple. I recently found and fell in love with these lush corduroy legging jeans in “vamp red.” Can’t stop wearing them. I’m tempted by the other jewel tones, but these are my favorite. I finally got a chance to wear these gorgeous suede boots again. I wore this to lunch + shopping with my sister.

Rhinestone blouse: F21 plus, Shrunken boyfriend blazer: here and here, Corduroy jeans: here, Cat eye sunglasses: here, Boots: DuoBoots UK, Lip color: NARS Damned, here, Bag: Kate Spade

Hello Again

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 19:04:40 -0700

It’s been a month since I had my baby and life has changed so much! Lately our days (and nights) have been all about baby. I had the chance to go out with my husband yesterday evening so I dressed up in this bodycon skirt and contrast blouse. I wanted something pretty and feminine and something that was definitely not maternity wear.

I’m so excited for Fall weather, Fall fashion, and the fact that I no longer have to accommodate a baby bump in my clothes. Here’s to more outfit blogging. xx

Top: F21, Skirt: here, Necklace: here

Julia

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 18:50:39 -0700

Welcome, baby Julia! Her name was inspired by the Beatles song, “Julia / seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me / So I sing the song of love / Julia”

John and I are completely in love with our baby girl. Thank you for all the sweet messages.