This dress has been sitting in my closet for years begging to be worn again. So I wore this lilac dream to dinner tonight. You know how you can re-read a book or listen to an old song and they seem different because your perspective has changed? The last time I wore the dress I felt pretty. But when I looked in the mirror this evening, I felt powerful. So even though the dress is old, I am new.
Dress: Aqua by Aqua, Shoes: Valentino, Bag: Anthropologie, Lipstick: YSL Forbidden Burgundy
Sweater: MbMJ, Skirt: F21, Sunglasses: here, Shoes: Cole Haan, Bag: Miu Miu
So I wore something besides yoga pants. And my sister was there to snap these pictures for proof. Thanks, Jen! Last year I felt super inspired by the Tory Burch Fall collection and even though it’s Spring, I still love the combo of cute sweaters, form fitting skirts, and spectator pumps.
Funny thing, I ended up converting this Miu Miu bag into a diaper bag. Sometimes I want to use my bag for non-mommy stuff so I pull out diapers and lone baby socks and just laugh to myself. Months ago I had an existential dilemma about choosing a diaper bag. I mean, do I carry my identity in my purse or something?? What is my identity with a big stiff canvas baby bag said to “contain a flap for mom’s necessities so you don’t need a purse” A flap. Do the remnants of my dignity fit in there too, Petunia Pickle Bottom? Just kidding, I want one. These are the sort of things I think about.
One of the things that runs through your mind when you learn you are pregnant is “Wait, what about my old life? Is it over?” One hard adjustment to motherhood is that, yes, your old life has, sort of, ended. I remember thinking how much I would miss late nights out with my husband. Some of my best memories are walking through San Francisco in heels and jewels at 2AM with him, hailing a cab because we missed the last train home.
Then today we had brunch (with baby) and my world opened up to a new way of going out. This was the FIRST time all three of us left home together for something that didn’t involve a trip to the pediatrician. No, there were no cocktails or smoky rooms, I wore flats, and my nails were bare. But, it was one of the most beautiful days. The baby laughed. I ate the flakiest, most buttery, still warm pan au chocolat. I breastfed the baby in public, no shame. The baby slept and my husband pushed the stroller along the streets of the sleepy college village. Stopped at a cafe. It was romantic in a way I didn’t expect. It hit me: this is my life and and hey, it’s pretty wonderful.
“Mirror in the sky, what is love / can the child within my heart rise above / can I sail through the changing ocean tides / can I handle the seasons of my life?”
I’ve always listened to this song and felt kinda sad, but today I thought: yes, I am learning to handle them.
p.s. Thank you for all the responses and support on my last post. I feel much more connected to many of you. <3